advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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