How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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