He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
