wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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