just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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