Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
