literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
