So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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