p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
