I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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