I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
