You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
