Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
ttyl tear gas
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
