Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
