i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize