who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
