I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
