you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
