Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
