I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize