If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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