You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
