I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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