never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
