I cannot find my penis.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize