and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
