she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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