I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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