O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
