well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
