puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
