I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
