I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
