nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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