You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
