I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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