he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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