She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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