1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
