If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
