Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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