I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
