if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
