shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
