just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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