i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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