dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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