He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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