So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
