well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
