I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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