I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
