You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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