She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
