Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
