I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
