the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
