fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
