do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
