You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
