My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
