My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I look better un-naked...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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