I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
