apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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