two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
