So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
do herpes really smell.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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