is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
